60 days and counting…

That’s how many days left until I give up something that has been with me for a very long time. Cigarettes. I feel living in Beijing will probably be enough on my lungs so why add additional stress to them? I quit smoking when I was pregnant with my daughter (successfully I might add) and kept myself smoke free until she was about 2 months but after struggling with breastfeeding and hormones on hyper drive, I unfortunately fell off the wagon. The pregnancy was also a huge surprise (read went so fast) that I never really got used to the idea of being a non-smoker. I did it for the baby, not for me. This time around though, it’s all about me.

So how do you really visualise yourself as a non-smoker after 20+ years of smoking? Now that’s the challenge I’m facing. Problem is, I’ve never felt like a non-smoker. I’ve felt like a respectful smoker (meaning I only smoke outside and I usually try to step out of the way from people around me) and I have been totally against the witch hunt that has been widely spread. Media loves to talk about the dangers of smoking, and second smoking, but no one is talking about the dangers of over consumption of alcohol and the danger that poses on you – and the people in your surroundings. I don’t ever think I’ve met an aggressive smoker in my life nor have I felt scared of one. A drunk person on the other hand, well that’s a different story.

Both issues are an addiction. And hard to kick. Both causes damages to oneself but also to the people surrounding them. That’s fact. But only one is being discussed and forbidden more and more. Yet governments are making so much money from the tax on cigarettes so there’s no point in banning them completely. Enough said about that.

So why will it work now? Is our forthcoming move to Beijing the only reason I’m quitting? No actually. I already told my soon to be hubby that I was giving up before the end of this year even before we knew about Beijing. So it was already there, nagging me. It’s just time. It will be like saying  goodbye to a friend who has been with you through thick and thin for two decades, who supported you when you were down and who helped you celebrate when you were happy, but who also made you feel like an outsider. An addict. A weak person. And who also made sure that you’d rather take the long way home from work in order to avoid those pesky stairs up Ivana Franka.. So I’m done. Or will be soon. Will it be easy? Heck no. Will I be agitated and restless? Most likely. But I guess then I’m doing it at a perfect time as the family will be home in Sweden on vacation and I will be busy finishing up here at work. Won’t have time to think about it and no one (apart from myself) will suffer at home. So wish me luck folks, 60 days and counting…

Love from Kyiv. ❤️

 

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