My sister told me recently that I’ve changed so much during the years, that she could clearly see I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been, that I am at peace with myself. Happy. And she’s right. I am a completely different person now than I was 10 years ago. I know my own worth and that my presence in this world matters. But she also pointed out something that I know is probably more true than I care to admit – that I define myself by my work. And that somehow I have to start realising that I’m so much more than what I do.
For the longest time now I’ve been saying that “I love what I do” and that “I’m good at what I’m doing”. Don’t get me wrong, I do love what I do, but it’s almost implying that people only know who I am for what I do, not for me as a person. There are few people in my presence who knows me well enough to see through my work exterior and see me for me. My sister is apparently one of those people. And a couple of selected other few people around me. My work worth is probably why I’ve been keeping myself abroad for so many years as well. I’ve followed my work, not me as a person. I’ve placed my focus in what I know I do best, taking the easy way out. It’s always good to have something to hide behind.
But when the coin hits the bottom of the well, then what? Work ends one way or another, life doesn’t stop however. And being home by myself on these trips, talking to people I care very much about, and having time to think through things, opens up a pretty big well. More like a flood. So instead of just going with the flow, maybe it’s time to start paddling?
Love from Stockholm ❤